This post is relevant to the theme of the blog because most people who struggle with mental health obstacles also struggle with family obstacles. There is a lot to be said about mental health illnesses being hereditary, and there is also a lot to be said about the influence of challenging family environments worsening or even causing mental health problems.
When I started my journey to better mental health 5 years ago I had a therapist tell me, "You can make your own family." Her reason for telling me this was because I knew I had to set boundaries between myself and the family that raised me, and I was grieving and afraid. I'm sure my therapist told me this with all the best intentions and just wanted to make me feel better.
Unfortunately, I interpreted this advice far too literally. I took the words "Make your own family," and decided that that meant, "Find a husband, get married, have some children, and then you'll have your own family unit - one that you have more control in creating since you get to pick your partner and if / when you have kids."
Over the past couple of months I've learned how incorrect I was. I'm almost 31, and I have a stronger family unit that ever, but none of it is an on-paper family.
My family comes in the form of a community service program that I work for, a ranch owner, fellow athletes who share the same dreams and goals that I do, best friends who have walked through some of my darkest moments with me, and professionals both in and out of my work environment who continue to hold my hand and give me professional guidance.
Now, I get the old cliches of, "You get to choose your family!" and "Friends can be your family!" but when you were raised in a dysfunctional family unit it becomes difficult to interpret what "family" actually feels like.
Family is when you go to the director of your community service program and confess that you've made a bad decision, only to have that director respond with, "That was a bad call, but I forgive you and we are going to learn from this."
Family is telling your employers you are going through a hard time and having them respond with, "We support you in getting all the support you need - we will get through this together."
Family is athletes who pick you up both on and off the race course. Who text you weekly to make sure you're okay because they know you're mentally and emotionally vulnerable. Who make sure you make it up mount Everest in the Tough Mudder Race, and up the mountain of adulthood challenges in your actual life.
Family is a farm with horses and dogs and little Buddha statues and a ranch owner who shares that farm with you because he knows your love horses.
Family are professionals who extend their advice and services to you because they don't want you to navigate unknown circumstances without direction.
Family is a community of people with similar struggles who open their homes, their hearts, and their wisdom to you.
Family is a team who puts together a socially distanced 50k road race complete with photographers, and aid stations, and race logs during a pandemic, all because they want to encourage you to find your inner strength.
I have so many family members who suit up and show up in my life every.single.day. I may not live with them or have a piece of paper that says I'm somehow related to them, but they protect me, forgive me, guide me, and LOVE me, even when my anxiety is telling me I have to navigate this life all by myself.
I am not alone. Even when I feel alone.
I have a whole family of super-humans beside me.
Comments